Love the One You're (Skiing) With
Art: Miles Parnell
And so, with the authority vested in me by 20-plus years as a ski instructor, I offer the following words of advice on how to keep all of your loves intact on the ski slopes.
1. Lessons in Love
Let’s be frank. Can you teach your significant other anything? I know women who’ve been trying for 20 years to teach their husbands to take out the trash. That should tell us something. The dynamics of love make it nearly impossible to teach a lover to ski, no matter how great a skier you are. We want our lovers to respect and adore us. But that’s not the appropriate role for a teacher. Teachers ask us to do difficult, scary and awkward things, which do not tend to make us feel respected or adored. We get angry when a lover tries to teach us, because he or she is messing with the chemistry of love. Don’t go there. Book a lesson. Then see item #3.
2. Lesson in Love, Junior Version
It’s a common misconception that kids are fearless. In fact, they do have fear, which is healthy. They also have a lot of trust in us, their parents. We abuse that trust by taking them on runs that force them into defensive skiing. If your kid wedges everywhere you take her, you’re taking her places that are too steep. If you’re yelling at your kid to stop or to turn, you’ve taken him somewhere he doesn’t belong. Remember their small bodies cannot handle the forces generated by steeper slopes and adult speeds. Now, I know you all want to ski together. Ideally, you will find time to rip up some terrain that’s fun for you while your kids are doing something else, like ski school. That way, when it is time for family skiing, your ya-ya’s will be out and you can ski places where they can feel confident and develop good habits and skills.
3. Easy is Relative
Green runs can be the scariest runs of all: remember novice skiers have no basis for comparison. We’ve all heard stories of “friends” taking friends on runs that were too hard. Always err on the side of caution. If a run is too easy, it’s pretty simple to find something more challenging. But if you take someone someplace he or she doesn’t want to be, it’s a very, very long way to the bottom for both of you.
4. Powder
This is the flip side of item #3 above. If you are blessed with a powder day, be honest with yourself and your friends. If they can’t keep up, tell them that you’ll meet them in a couple of hours. If you’re the friend who can’t keep up, don’t take it personally. If you don’t know how to ski powder, it is MISERABLE, but if you do know, it’s one of the most exhilarating experiences in the world. So don’t ruin your friend’s day by making him or her wait for you. Go get a lesson or go to the spa. There’s a reason for the expression “No friends on a powder day.” Respect it.
5. Vive La Différence
I’ve met many men who wish their wives could keep up with them. Usually, the wife is already a better technical skier than her husband, but she doesn’t go as fast. So, in what other sport are women expected to keep up with the men? The fact that many women can rip safely down the mountain just speaks to the importance of finesse and technique in skiing. And yet, the difference in speed very often leaves wives feeling inadequate, and rather “ungrateful” for the advice their husbands give them. Next winter, these husbands who haven’t learned to go with the flow will find themselves reading the ski magazines on some beach in Florida.
There’s good news here. Some couples take a different approach: There’s never any advice — just compliments. There are never any suggestions — just support. These are the couples who will ski together happily ever after.
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