Getting Warmer
I don’t do fiction. I’m one of those people who believe truth is stranger than fiction. I usually stick to biography or history laid out in weighty tomes that reveal why the world is the way it is.
When I was asked to review a beach book, I almost rebelled. “The cover is a picture of a girl at a beach, but the story is set in Arizona!” I jeered. “How good can a book be that tries to suck you in with false suggestibility?”
But Carol Snow’s piece of “women’s fiction” entitled “getting warmer” is a romp in wolf’s clothing; mixing metaphors is almost mandatory when describing this story about a high school English teacher trying to catch a man.
The basic premise is that truth is all about fiction. Natalie Quackenbush, a.k.a. Pandora, a.k.a. an educator of thieves and rapists in the state correctional facility, spends her time with various female friends in bars. Inevitably, she meets men she would never be seen dead with let alone marry, so she makes up stories to get away from them — hilariously creative stories that make one feel sorry for the poor chumps they degrade.
In one scene when the offending testosterone-laced male in question bears down on these paragons of femininity, Natalie saves them from his advances by sliding a little white pill across the table to her friend. “Here are your meds, dear,” she smirks. As the charade unfolds, the offending fireplace salesman slinks off when he discovers the friend needs her “hormones” on time because she’s really a man.
This harmless bit of artistry serves the girls well in bars but then backfires dreadfully when Natalie spins a yarn to a guy named Jonathan — whom she ends up liking — a lot. That’s when the fun really begins, as the protagonist tries to build a relationship, tell the truth, and get to the altar.
A beach book, you say. Not so fast. Carol Snow, a former Park City resident and Park City Magazine contributor, is an author with more texture and creativity than meets the eye. She’s woven fun subplots and interesting tidbits into a story that borders on being satire more than a romance novel.
Because the protagonist is a high school English teacher, the author researched the experiences of secondary school teachers. “Make no mistake,” Snow writes in the introduction, “teaching is a far more important job and about a million times more difficult [than writing.]” The daily trials of poor Miss Quackenbush are laughable. She attempts to teach commas and Shakespeare to classes of intransigents. Horrific parents whine when grades go south. The senior class swain hides the fact that he can’t read. The shy boy with pimples pens “Ms. Natquack” a vile hate note.
Meanwhile, Natalie’s friend Nicolette, who is somewhat of a bimbo, has met the love of her life in a bar without any of the games or guiles that afflict our heroine English teacher. The love affair of Nicolette and Rodney morphs solidly into marriage. But after they elope, Nicolette regrets the loss of a “real wedding” with bridal registry at Macy’s, Linens ’n Things, The Great Indoors, Williams Sonoma, Target, Nordstrom, JC Penney, Sears, Bed, Bath & Beyond, Ross-Simons, Robinsons-May and Sports Authority. Get the picture?
In another rollicking side story, Natalie’s parents must move back East to take care of their granddaughter, about to be born to Natalie’s unwed sister. Enter the “stager,” a real estate professional who transforms their comfortable home into a totally pretend environment “guaranteed” to catch a buyer. Did I mention Natalie lives at home with her parents?
Carol Snow has woven a yarn with oddity, artifice and cachet, proving once again that fiction is no stranger to truth. “getting warmer” is available at Dolly’s Bookstore on Main Street and The Spotted Frog Bookstore at Redstone.
Lola Beatlebrox lives in Brown’s Canyon with her husband Zafod, three cats, two dogs and three llamas including “Tiny Tim,” born at Christmas time.
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